On Martyrdom - PlayFirst Grapevine
2008
by unknown_blogger
FEB
13
I know it's been a long time since I had anything to say to y'all but I have a very good excuse. I've been shopping. Yes, for months. It's just that a very important holiday is coming up and I had to put a lot of effort into finding the exact right gift.
I should rather say, gifts, plural. Romance is complicated and gift-giving even more so, especially in my situation. With fourteen wives, five husbands and three decline-to-specifies, it can get tricky to make sure nobody's feelings are hurt. So let's try solving this.
If each wife desires flowers, each husband demands lands, each unknown yearns for ferns and additionally each spouse will choose a blouse, how many roses, plots, plants, tops were being shopped?
Granted, it's not exactly the most traditional of gift assemblages. Do you watch television? I do and I notice on the rarest of occasions advertisements or as I call them, advisertments, on what I need to be giving to show I want to honor Saint Valentine.
I guess some people like jewelry. Chocolate and flowers also seem popular as an expected gift. Where are the hives of bees, the rooster, the epilepsy and restoration of vision that I associate with Saint Valentine? What are you even celebrating if not the triumph of a beheaded bishop?
I guess St. Valentine's Day is one of those artificial holidays meant to sell perishable undesirables to the insecure. Like when we commemorate St. Thanksgiving and St. Mother's. Because if you can prove your love three days a year, that gives you 362 (363 this year!) other days you can slack off and ignore your loved ones. All 22 of them, if you're me.
There are plenty of people who enjoy these holidays and visions of giving chocolate, flowers, a romantic trip to scenic Detroit, Michigan. That's okay for them. But I'm a busy blogger. I can't spend all of my time doing what everyone else does. If you want something to be different, you have to go out and make it different. Like I do.
If you're thinking of celebrating the birth of Saint Rudolph Valentino I suggest you do something different with it. How about a rose made from barbed wire and leather? How about chocolate with a curry infusion? How about a romantic trip to a nearby trampoline?
I gotta go. Those gifts won't wrap themselves. That'll happen next year when I'm giving squid, macrame coffee mugs and artificially sentient pencil sharpeners, assuming all 22 of them haven't broken up with me after this year's round of gifts.
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PlayFirst is the creator of Diner Dash, Chocolatier, Dream Chronicles and other award-winning casual games.
