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My dad, age 87, passed away last Tuesday. He suffered from Alzheimer's, as well as heart problems. He had not been my dad for several months due to the Alzheimer's, and was not doing well at all, so we feel it was a blessing that he is not sick and confused anymore. Still it is so hard and I miss him so much. He was a wonderful dad, and taught my brother and I the meaning of unconditional love. Just wondering who else has lost a parent or parents and ways you cope with it.
Thanks, Kat

Smukat...
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers are being said right now. No matter what your age, I think it's still hard to lose your mom or dad. My mom passed away about 20 years ago. She was only 55 and had been very ill the past 3 years before that with multiple malignant brain tumors. She didn't have Alzheimer's, but she really was not with us and was bed-ridden for those few years before she passed. She was cared for at home and even though we couldn't tell if she even knew who we were, we cherished each minute with her. I think the hardest part for me was having to go to the hospital and sign the DNR (do not resuscitate) orders about a year before she passed away. My dad just couldn't do it so he asked my sister and I to do it.

As far as coping...I still think of my mom every day. I think the best advice I can give you is to start a diary right now and start writing down the great moments, slices of life, funny things, sad things that you shared with your dad. As you write, you'll laugh, you'll cry and all of that is good and needed. Best of all, you can read back in the diary on the days you're feeling a little down and remember something funny, something good that happened.

Not knowing whether you have kids or grandkids ... it's also nice to be able to share some of those stories with them. In fact, You could actually do a "memory" book. You can include photos, news clippings or other items if you have them and it will be a wonderful, wonderful memento that will be passed down thru the generations so that everyone can share in that life.

Again, my prayers are with you.

smukat, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Losing a parent is the biggest loss that we face in my opinion. I lost my mother 18 months ago and I still miss her so much. She was 96 years old and I was 62 but I was still her only child. I talk about her alot and think about her too. I have her picture out and look at it every day. Time does help to ease the pain but I think we always miss them.

Smukat, I too am sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad soon to be 10 years ago. He and I were very close. I was born on his birthday and had several other life changing dates in common. One thing that helps is I keep a picture of him in my wallet. Don't forget the sound of his voice. That way when you do certain things you can think of what his response would be and it seems more real.

smukat
i am sorry for your loss. i lost my mom 8 years ago and my dad 6 years ago. i still miss them both very much. i also talk to them everyday and know that they are in a better place and not suffering anymore. time has eased my pain. it took awhile to be able to talk about both of them without crying. i know what you are feeling now and we are all here to talk to you when ever you need us. my prayers are with you and your family.

I know I don't post "with" you, but I wanted you to know that you have all of my sympathy and that my thoughts are with you. I lost my father when I was 28 (I'm the youngest, so he was 62) and still have my mother, but she has Alzheimer's and it is advancing quickly now. After my dad died, I moved to be close to my Mom and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's within the year. I kept her with me for 10 years and then when I was diagnosed with MS and couldnt' give her the care she needed, she moved south to one of my older sisters and there she stays to this day :). But I dread losing her, even though she doesn't know me anymore and is frightened when a "stranger" like me visits.

I wish I knew the answer to coping with the loss of your dad; I don't, but I do know what helped me. I spent a lot of time with Dad after he passed away; often at his gravesite at first, then more oftern at some of his favorite places. I talked to him, I even wrote "letters" that I kept in a journal that were memories I had of him that I knew I didn't want to forget as time passed. (Oh gosh, I hope this isn't morbid to you or anyone else here). Also, the first few months I found myself really struggling during the day because I would see something or think of something that reminded me so much of him that it hurt my heart. So I finally set aside 10 minutes each morning and 10 minutes each night where I would just think about him, about how I felt, about everything to do with him. This really brought out a lot of tears at first but it also made the day-to-day life easier; I think just because memories couldn't suddenly surprise me so easily.

Again, I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. And I'm so glad that you had a wonderful relationship with a wonderful dad, even though it means you have to grieve now. If I knew you better, I'd give you a hug ((smiling)).

Jen

I started another thread for those of us who are blessed to still have our parents. My parents are in their early 80s and in extremely good health and so this is a difficult subject for me.
But I had to say something. Jaycee what you said was not morbid. It was beautiful because it came straight from your heart.
PlayFirst to me is like a family, a warm group of friends, and a true community where we can express all of our feelings. We can tell about our lives.
My prayers are with all of you. Candy

hi jaycee, like candy said, that is not morbid. i go to my mom's grave every saturday to water her grass and talk to her.
my father was cremated and my sister still has the urn. she talks to him also. my sisters and i feel that both of them are
watching over us. my parents were in their early sixty's when they passed.

smukat...
I'm so sorry for you. I really wish there was something we could do to make things better. I understand what you said-he is no longer confused, perhaps that is the best way to look at it.
You're in my thoughts tonight smukat-as is your father.
*gives virtual hug*

Thanks everyone for all the wonderful words! I feel encouraged reading all of your replies! Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. My dad suffered from it for only about 3 1/2 years, but his decline was very fast. For the last few months, it was very iffy whether or not he would know any family members. I am glad that he has been released from it, but of course it is a difficult time.
We have had quite a year, good and bad! My youngest earned his Boy Scout Eagle Scout rank and is graduating from high school in June. My oldest (daughter) graduated from college (SMU) today! And, some of you probably know about my middle child -- she was hit by a pick-up truck while out running in January, broke her jaw and damaged some teeth, but we just finished all the dental work and she is all healed up!
I am a type 2 diabetic. When I was at the doctor a few weeks ago, she let me know that my blood sugar was a little higher than it had been. She asked me if there had been any extra stress going on in my life... well, as a matter of fact, yes!
I am hoping that things will be a bit calmer at least for awhile. I am very a very spiritual person, so I know that my dad is in a good place and I put trust in God that things happen the way they're supposed to. I had a wonderful father who I miss terribly, but I am so extremely lucky!
Thanks again to everyone on this board for all the support, thoughts, and prayers, you all are the best!

Smukat, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Losing parents is probably the toughest life experience there is.

Jaycee your words are heartwarming, as said by many. I lost my mother about 15 yrs ago and still miss her, but I will say the pain does lessen some with the years the and great memories take over and make them seem still very near.

I never knew my Dad. He got Cancer and died a few weeks before I was born. I't made me sad to see all the people who lost a parent. You are in my prayers

My deepest sympathies are extended to you smukat. I lost my Mum five years ago to cancer. My Mum had died before my two son's weddings, and I missed her not being there, but at least my Dad was there. Dad has surprised us all and at 86 years is still living on his own and still caring for himself. I continue to tell my children the stories of my Mother's life and some of life's hints that she spoke to me about. They are quite amused sometimes by the "old sayings" - like "this goes under the copper instead of into it" - meaning it is too old and is only good to fuel the fire instead of going into the washing machine. I wonder if there are others who have sayings that the younger generation don't know or understand? Once again, smukat nothing eases the pain of having lost a loved one, but may you know the comfort of knowing that you are thought of and being prayed for to come through this time.

My deepest sympathy goes out to you and the family.I never lost a parent,but it must be very difficult.I think of that everyday.And I know what you mean you had lost a part of your father from alzeimers,and now you lost what was left.However it does make it better not seeing him sick and confused.I know where you are coming from.I lost part of mom,she has schizophrenia and dymensia.My prayers go out to you and your family.

Sorry to hear about the lose of your dad. I competly understand how you feel. losing a loved one is very hard to get over.

SMUKAT-I work in a alzheimers/dementia nursing home and I see the pain of this disease every day. These diseases cause so much pain to so many families. My deepest sympathies to you. The only way I can go to my job everyday is that I truly believe they are all in a better place. But I also believe that your Dad is now looking down on you and will guide you the rest of your life. The other posters were so right to tell you to keep a journal. Good times and bad times. Funny thoughts and sad thoughts. It will bring you much peace in the coming years. My prayers are with you.

Smukat, I am deeply sorry for your tremendous loss. I hope you find the strength and courage to get through such a tough time.

Smukat, my Dairy Dash buddy, I'm sooooo very sorry to hear about your Dad. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must be for you and your family. I miss you on the score board. At some point, when you have time, come relax and play a game. I've got updated scores for you.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Krissy

Smukat, like everyone else here I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad. But take comfort in the fact that you're right about him being in a better place where he's whole and healthy again. Also take comfort in the fact that this isn't forever. You and all of your loved ones will be reunited again one day. That is one of the things that has helped me over the years after losing my dad to homicide in 1981. He was killed a few days after his 54th birthday and it just so happened that we had family portraits made on his birthday. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise since none of us would have ever dreamed that something like this would happen to us. When the photography company found out about what had happened, they didn't charge us for any of the pictures that we got. That company will never know how much we appreciated that and how much it meant to us. Since all of this happened just 2 short weeks before my 16th birthday, I never felt as though I had gotten alot of time with daddy. But I know the time I did get with him I will always cherish. Time makes it easier to deal with but the pain and the missing them never completely goes away. In some ways this may be a good thing though. I hear that everything happens for a reason, I hope to find out that this is true one day and the reasons that so many things happen to us. God bless and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.